Awake?

Why am I awake? I hate being awake this early.

I have decided for my New Year's resolution I am not going to eat French Fries for an entire year. What should I do to prepare for this? Also, if I don't stop drinking, I am never going to lose this weight.

Now a story about a sandwich:

Tuna Melt was very popular in high school. She had sex with three different boys, and one time she kissed a bagel.


Tuna was a cheerleader-- the kind you toss up into the air. One time, she didn't come back for three days. When she landed, she had stories to tell. She spent the next week telling everyone about the sky and the clouds and the gymnasium ceiling. She also discovered a pet mouse, which she kept in her pocket. Her friend, Shrimp Melt, did not have the nerve to tell her the mouse was actually a rat with a long and dirty tail.

One night Tuna Melt stuck her head in the oven and died. She left a note saying, "Read the ceiling," but there was nothing there.

I promise there will be a happy sandwich in 2012.